"Normal Names for Children"
In this day and age of protesting everything from the Darigold lock-out to Stricter laws for animal cruelty, I have a new grassroots cause "Normal names for children" This may sound like an odd protest coming from someone with the name Deonn. But I know of what I speak. I work with a lot of children and I come across many names. Some advice I would like to impart to people trying to name their baby--

1. Don't fuck with the spelling. Briana is a fine name. Breiannah is a ridiculous name. Can we all agree on how Kaley should be spelled? How does Sade, get away with pronnouncing her name Shar-day? Jhonithyn...what the hell? can birth certificates be done with spell check? My name is Deonn, but I pronnounce it Shar-day.

2. Too much information. I had a friend who's middle name is Meadow, because she was conceived in a meadow. Just remember "Back of the Buick" is not a suitable name for a child

3. Quit makin up names. I understand why people make up names. I work with hundreds of children a year. All the good names have been ruined. For every sweet Julia, their is a psycho Satan Spawn Julia. For every adorable Cameron, their is an equally abhorant child named Cameron. But come on people. Magenta is okay for the dog on Blue's Clue's, Not a suitable name for a child. Saffron is a spice, as is Coriander and Sage. Find another outlet for your creativity. Yale is a university. Hale is a brewery. Taffy is just freakin ridiculous.

4. Pretentious vs. White Trash. You be the judge. Names of my former students.
-Sierra
-Sahara
-Sienna
-Serena
-Syrene
-Stereo (I am not kidding)

5. Don't name your kid after something trendy. There are tons of 8 year old Michaela, McKayla, Mickaylas, named after Dr. Quinn Medicine woman. Is it a coincidence that The Little Mermaid came out in 1992 and their are a lot of 12 year old Ariels.

6. Cinnamon is a whore name...It's even a slutty name for a cat.

7. Don't name your kid Deonn. Dione, Deonne, Dion, Dionne, Deeyawn or Sade.

8. A little game. These are all names of my present students. 3 of them are not real. See if you can guess. The first person too e-mail me with the correct answer will win a fabulous prize from Archie McPhee. deonnritchie@comcast.net

Chauncy
Clancy
Chanse
Chase
Chiara
Angelou
Anjuli
Simone
Hale
Yale
Bale
Denver
Providence
Coy
Random
Ransom

So, I am pretty sure I have offended at least a few people. I'll will try to alienate more next time. Cheers.












- posted by Deonn @ 4/08/2004 08:07:00 PM